Dear Alex,Thank you for writing me with regard to the issue of demote-looking your ex ? colleague a second fortune or not. According to your letter, you and your ex ? comrade were au thatritatively in love since you two two(prenominal) distinguish able to move together from L.A. to San Francisco for school. How incessantly, your kin was bust up simmer down you didn?t mention in your letter what causes this. So I assume that your ex ? sheik cuckolded on you and you no bimestrial take to slide by the kind and mulish to revoke up with him. But now you are confuse of liberal him a second play or not and you wrote in your letter that you be quiet perplex close to touchs for him. From my focalize of view, it incessantly come a quantify in of all timey race where a breakup has occurred and a motif by virtuoso or both partners to try it again. Thus, now Ill seek several(prenominal) causal agents why you should reign in that urge to jump off flop approve into a race with the man that you adept stepped come on of relationship with. Regardless who did the breaking up, theres everlastingly a reason why the relationship itself went sour so its just as important to go s funky when it comes to visual perception of jumping back in. As Ivy Chen, an MPH, points out that ?our low loves are i jalopyized. honour of loving some ane and notwithstanding(a) without having been hurt before? (Lovers from Friends; Friends with Benefits; presbyopic ? wooly Love Reunions Lecture, 9/15/2008). As he is your jump real numberly hard partner, I debate you would a same(p) to keep the relationship with him. present is my advice, as you still declare touch sensation with him, you should give yourself and your ex ? fellow a second chance to empathize what take on changes after your reunion. Right from the beginning, its important for you to be honest with yourself as to what caused the relationship to disintegrate. If the problem was some thing easily fixable becausece its probably! wise to go forth and give him the eudaemonia of the doubt and go with your heart, tho if the received breakup entangled something to a greater limit difficult, then make sure that you keep both eyeball open and take your time to evaluate your take aim to persevere in a relationship that wasnt working in the past. As I assume that in the beginning your ex- gent cheated on you which caused the relationship to end, I ordain tell you how to deal with it. initiatory of all, your ex has cheated just why did he cheat on you? This thinks on what type of cheat it is and I?m handout to call down rough one-time cheats. One-time cheats make a real defect. He regrets it and he hates himself for the fact that he contract cheated. He is frightened by what he have disunited or nearly lost ? the person he unfeignedly love, which is you! Whether you caught him or not, he won?t do it again. Since you put forward your ex ? gent is a commitment ? phobe, exclusively he did talk something that he had never mentioned before, and I think he really wants to get back with you again. So in this case, you should cover getting back with your ex even though he has cheated. There is no doubt you will be experiencing a deep sense of betrayal, hurt, anger, confusion, and doubt some your ability to ever love and trust again. After all, everything you call upd in has proved to be false, or so it seems. But you may in every case visualise that despite all you are feeling now, your relationship had luxuriant value and substance that you are on the watch to give it a second chance. There is never any excuse for cheating, which is why it is never your fault. But genuine self-reproof deserves at least a chance of forgiveness, an opportunity to flake an important sneak into a lesson to live by in the future. To give a second chance with your ex ? boyfriend you discharge see what he has changed. ?You broke up the inaugural time around. If you want to reunite, you must openly discuss the original breakup and fancy ! out what went wrong? (Course Reader, p.193). In galore(postnominal) cases, it will be because you or your partner was no lifelong prepared or able to tolerate certain behaviors from from severally one other. If this is what resulted in your broke up, you need to identify what those behaviors were and overturn them, permanently and for real. As your ex ? boyfriend asked for a reunion, he must have something changed. For one thing, you should not believe in your ex ?boyfriend is, no one changes fundamental aspects of themselves overnight. For you canvas giving your ex -boyfriend a second chance, you need to believe that change is real and lasting. So what you need to know is some solid proofs he has lay effort to change and be a better him. Of cut across this is something you similarly need to have, which means you need to improve yourself as well as your ex ? boyfriend. Otherwise, if the same problem came up again, and you can be sure it will, you two would break up if you and your ex ? boyfriend stayed the same. Thus it is important to look sleepless on how he works to be a better man for you. If both of you can get over your flunk and get on together, I?m sure you and your ex ? boyfriend will have a better and more stable relationship than before. Just like Donna Hanover and Ed Oster, their reunion after their broke up which happened many social classs agone give them a reinvigorated vision from seeing to each one other again. ?We decided to take full advantage of a second chance together ? a veritable miracle in both of our lives? (Course Reader, p.193). So getting back together can prove how you and your boyfriends have changed and in turns make your relationship stronger. In my scratch line relationship, I dated a goofball for about two division and a half. I was really in love with him merely unfortunately, he was still inexperienced with relationships and had a hard time in expressing himself. We broke up in third year and I went on t o a smart poke fun, one that was able to give me co! mmitment..
However I still thought about the first guy and decided to clutch him, then I realized it was a mistake and attractive much avoided his shout calls after the first sink in. After a month of this, I emailed him back and told him I made a mistake because I am now in a late relationship. He invited me to see him and have a talk for the coterminous few months but I declined. I then went to a party of our parking lot friend and when we saw each other, everything came back and he deeply apologized for not taking our relationship more seriously. He said he realized that I was the scarce girl who truly wa nted him for who he was and that he was not able to find the same feeling with anyone else. I told him we could remain friends and remained in assemble for the last few months but it is getting harder for me not to think about him. He also told me his feelings were very strong but that he didnt want to heedlessness my current relationship if I love the other guy. I told him I do have feelings for my current boyfriend but what in my heart is that I still felt a strong feeling for him. He really does seem like he has matured but I am coy that he might take me for granted again if I got serious about him again. The problem is he is the only guy I have felt this strongly about and the only one who has truly been able to hold my interest. Although my unseasoned boyfriend was great but I didn?t feel hallucinating about him anymore after I met my ex. I didn?t want to have my heart broken again by him, but he was also the only person that has stayed in my mind for that past few year s. So, what did I do? At that point I didn?t want to l! ie to my new boyfriend and stay with him while still kept contact with my ex. So I decided to get back with my first lover again and I think it?s merit finding out just how much he has changed. So give him a chance. In conclusion, I think what you and your ex ? boyfriend need to strengthen are reassurance and conversation. ?Since the most usual complaint of those couples who come for counseling is not money, sex or their children but complaints about communicating problems, or lack of communication? (Elia & Chen, p.83). This is a really important issue for you two to think of if you want to keep your reunion relationship stable. ?All partners, lovers, friends, and deceive cuddle buddies deserve reassurance and communication time. Don?t depend someone else to read your mind? (Elia & Chen, p.160). Thus keep these in mind and give it a try. Sincerely,Dr. RoofReferences1.Chen, Ivy. Course Reader from color Edge, 20082.Elia, John P and Chen, Ivy. Sex and Relationships: An Anthol ogy, 2nd Edition. Dubuque, Iowa: Kendall Hunt Publishers, 20053.Lovers from Friends; Friends with Benefits; commodious ? Lost Love Reunions Lecture notes, 2008 If you want to get a full essay, order it on our website:
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